How to Start Dating After Divorce

Divorce can be a challenging life transition, and re-entering the dating scenario after divorce can be overwhelming. Parting ways with someone you want to be forever is never easy. But it is not the end of your life, it is the start of a new chapter. Eventually, you will overcome the sadness and might want to date again. When you step back into the dating world, you are not only seeking a new partner, but you are also finding and rediscovering yourself. Everyone has a different starting approach, asking the right questions to yourself can help you ease into it. One of those questions is, “Would I date myself?” 

Are you actually ready?

Rushing into a new relationship without completely dealing with your past can also ruin your new relationship. Consider embracing every emotion so you don’t take unresolved issues into your next relationship. Self-reflection and self-healing are crucial before moving forward. It allows you to work and know more about yourself. Be comfortable being single and try to find emotional stability, you may need more time to start if you want to date to fill an emotional void. 

Finding a good partner is like finding a new job. If you find out that you need to develop certain skills to get that job, you will probably develop those skills, dating is no different. 

How to approach dating after divorce

Don’t rush into serious relationships immediately. Give yourself time to explore and enjoy the dating scene. Most people enter into dating to find “the one,” but how do you know if you can build a good relationship with someone you just met, and what qualities to consider when finding this out? 

The Matching Hypothesis

You can try the “Matching Hypothesis” to identify what qualities are important for you in another person. Research shows that having similar interests in 10 areas like socioeconomic status, religion, age, and culture can increase your chances of forming lasting relationships, as these differences can become points of judgment and conflicts in the future. Sometimes there can be exceptions to the matching hypothesis because exceptional qualities in one area can trade off against qualities in other areas. 

It is important to know what you are looking for in your new partner and things that did not go well in your past relationship. It will help you examine the early dynamics of your new relationship and how it is going. 

Finding the right partner

Starting again can be very difficult, but planning and knowing what you want in your partner can solve half of the problem. Defining who is the best match for you requires a combination of what makes your heart soar and what your head thinks is right for you. There is a five-step process to create a partner profile to find the right partner for you:

Make a list of qualities

Ask yourself what qualities and attributes you are looking for in your partner. You may think about your past experience and write what worked and what did not. Do not choose someone on the basis of their potential but based on reality. Pick someone you can solve problems with and on the basis of how they react in pressure situations. 

Define your “No-Go” zone

Make a list of qualities that are a big no for you. These can include alcoholics, unemployed, rude, and arrogant. You can include warning bell behaviors such as frequent lying, stealing, and hostile behaviors. If you see these behaviors in someone, don’t walk away, run!

How do you want to feel?

The experience you share with someone can have a dramatic impact on how you feel about yourself. The behavior of others can bring out the best or worst in you. You think you’re becoming someone you don’t want to be is one of the signs of a very bad relationship. Write what you want to feel when you’re with your partner and how they can contribute to it.

How you don’t want to feel

It is important to know how you don’t want to feel when you’re with your partner. You should clear what are some baseline standards that you are willing to tolerate and what is extreme for you. This can come from your divorce experiences and how they made you feel. But one thing is for sure, you don’t deserve to be treated badly.

What qualities are you trying to compensate for?

Be cautious of finding your worth in someone else. Focus on developing qualities yourself rather than finding someone with those qualities. This may cause an issue between you and your partner. For example, you may like someone fit just because you want to be fit but can’t get out of bed.

How to move ahead

This is just the start of finding someone new. It takes a lot of effort to turn dating into a relationship and make it a long-lasting one. There are 6 dating styles, and you should know which one are you and which one are they. You should be aware of a few of them, as they may not go well with your dating style. Remember, it isn’t about replacing what you lost, it is about discovering yourself. Be the best version of yourself and know secrets to turn your casual date into a lasting relationship with Would You Date You.