Science Breaks Down Why You’re Attracted To Dating Red Flags

Hey. Yes, you. Stop dating red flags.

We’ve all been there. Myself included. You date someone knowing, deep down, that there are some warning signs. But instead of confronting those feelings, you push them aside. You hope for the best. Until it falls apart.

Actually, being attracted to red flags is not completely your fault. It has a lot to do with your childhood and past experiences.

What is your Attachment Style?

You know how people say that you have a ‘type’? That you keep picking people with similar traits again and again? Your attachment style could be the answer. Psychologist John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory explains how our early relationships with our closed ones shape our adult relationships.

If you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents, you might seek partners who are extremely attentive or if your parents were too controlling, you might prefer emotionally distant partners as an adult.

A lot of it is about understanding your attachment style and taking steps thereon.

Your Brain Loves Familiarity (Even When It Hurts)

Our little brains absolutely love familiarity. Familiar situations feel safe even if they’re actually toxic. If you have had a streak of unhealthy relationships. It’s not because you like drama. It’s because it feels familiar but that does not mean it is right.

Okay but how do I stop chasing red flags?

Question your “type.” Are they really what you want, or just what you’re used to? Take a chance on someone different. Yes, it’ll feel uncomfortable at first but it will help you in your growth.

Rewiring Your Brain

Start with Self-Reflection. Look in the mirror and identify your patterns and triggers. Ask yourself questions like do you always fall for emotionally unavailable people or do you ignore your own needs to “save” the relationship?

Understand your triggers well. For example: If you were criticized way too much in your past relationship, you might not take constructive feedback well in your new one. Or, if you were cheated on in your previous relationship – you might end up developing a lot of insecurity regarding friendships which can then lead to trust issues.

Spot your triggers, that’s progress.

Define What You’re Looking For

It’s just about being clear as to what your relationship goals are. Think about what you really want in your partner and what traits you dislike. When you meet someone, take your time. Watch how they treat others and if they respect your boundaries.

Understand your Dating Style.

Some people don’t date at all because they got hurt before. Others love the excitement of a new relationship but get scared when it becomes more serious. Some people date lots of people at the same time without being clear about what they want. Others always need to be told they are loved. Some want to be close but also want to be free to do their own thing. The best relationships happen when people feel good about themselves but are also willing to share their feelings.

You Deserve Better

The truth? You’re worthy of love and you should not settle for less. It takes work, yes. But it’s worth it. A healthier you would lead to healthier relationships. Choose yourself first.

The best part? It’s entirely within your reach.